Love.

February 14th 2006, I was in a rehabilitation center in New Jersey with my 63 yr old father who had been beaten up by cancer. I still don’t understand why the doctors sent him there because he was not rehabilitating at all. He was nearly 90 pounds and he was dying.

At this point he could only get around by wheelchair and didn’t have much desire to be anywhere but the twin sized craftmatic bed. Accept this particular morning he asked my sister and I to take him to the lobby of the facility. So, without question, we got him washed up, dressed, and hoisted him onto the wheelchair. I figured he needed a change in scenery from the sterile white environment he had been lying in for nearly 2 weeks.

When we got to the lobby, there were jewelry vendors selling gifts for Valentine’s day. He must have inquired about it to the nurses. He directed us to a table with a woman behind it wearing a festive red sweater. He took his time examining each piece of accessory, then pointed to a beautiful pair of sterling silver earrings that he wished to purchase. They were for my mother. The women he had spent the last 30 years of his life with, who would soon be left with only memories of him. He asked to be alone with her when he presented the gift.

From what I saw of their relationship growing up, it far from perfect. Yet, at that moment when I was asked to leave the room, I knew that love for them, far exceeded any understanding I could ever have of the emotion.

In the next few days my father was released and sent home at his request. He resided in a room we had set up for him at the house. He died 2 weeks later. My mother still wears the earrings, often. And every time she does, she makes it a point to tell us, “these are the earrings your father got for me”.

"everything is free now....

 that's what they say
 everything i've ever done
 gotta give it away"- gillian welch

 
are we stronger for keeping our thoughts and creations to ourselves? or is it much more courageous and even humbling to share what we've got with people, giving it away with no private agenda or expectation.

 
when is it more empowering to keep things sacred then to give it away?

 
personally, i am speaking of my songs, but it sort of relates to everything. my life has been changed by something someone said to me over coffee, by a lyric, a documentary. so, who's to say what holds power and what doesn't?

 
if i did an experiment,  if i were to give away or share something that i secretly hold on to, super close and dear...

 
And then, all those things i'm dying and itching to share,  keep that stuff to myself. 
i wonder how that would feel.

 
i dare you to tell someone how much you really love them. 
i dare myself.

 
if you've never heard the song i quoted above it's called "everything is free" you can hear it here: http://www.myspace.com/gillianwelch 

and it's great.

 

till next time, love

jo

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Joanna-Barbera/60477264400?ref=ts
http://myspace.com/joannabarbera


On Tour:


9/28       Room 5, 9pm         Los Angeles, CA
9/30       Hotel Utah, 9pm    San Francisco, CA
10/3       LeStats, 9pm          San Diego, CA

one more time....

in case i didn't drop this picture on every social networking site i'm on...here ya go

i got back from LA just this past thursday. played a show at Flipnotics on friday and drank way too much wine on saturday with my new friend betty jean. i love new friends. we talked our faces off from 6pm-3am.

i don't really have much to say except life still feels a bit wobbly and i can effing wait to feel normal again.  patience and trust i suppose.  i keep looking for the clues and the song 'rain' by patty griffin keeps repeating in my head:

"it's hard to listen to a heart heart heart, beating close to mine, pounding up against the stone and steal, walls that i won't climb"

 i'm wondering if i am in the process of untying some of the knots that have had my heart constricted and it's just plain painful to do so. 

oh, to unlock my heart so i can breathe.  i hope this is the case.

ANYWAY........On completely different note, i am  SUPER  excited to be playing this Saturday at the independent with Hamell on Trial!! check out this video please and then decide you are coming :) http://www.youtube.com/wat

ch?v=0tWHxzEBe7w&feature=player_embedded

also, if you are feeling a ton of shifting happening in your life, share your stories with 

me please. i feel like i am mildly insane. 

sending you all a big fat hug,

joanna

10 realizations (in bullet format)....

• i'm realzing that i can be atrocious at times
• i'm realizing that i am also a super rad, unique and fabulous woman
• i'm realizing that we write our own stories and see life through our own lens 
• i'm realizing that, although i have a lot of internal mending to do, i am not broken
• i'm realizing that it is really hard to love unconditionally or perhaps, much harder not to.
• i'm realizing i am so effing hard on my self, and it does the world and me no kind of good.
• i'm realizing we all deserve to be happy
• i am realizing my thoughts have a lot for power than i think.
• i am realizing that now is the time more than to live and be my best self
• i am realizing i have a show tonight that i haven't rehearsed for yet and gotta get to it

Woah...

Hola,

It's been a while since i blogged and so much has happened i am dizzy from all the spinning.
A couple of weeks ago i went to mexico with my entire family. Sisters, Husbands, kids and my mom. We went to cancun. let me paint a quick picture: NY and NJ accents,  loud mouths, blue drinks and marlboro lights.

Amongst all the craziness, i think i was vibing off some crazy ancient mayan energy shit because my dreams were insane and my emotions were about as stable as an acid tripping freak crying about rainbows. (see link) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXI_kJjGy44.

It was like a messenger was knocking down my door and i eventually came to some sort of epiphany.

Something along the lines of--- it is time for me to step into and own my purpose on this planet. Enough with the drama of family scars, relationships and blame.  It's time to start living and acting from my most authentic self.  I am crazy intuitive and feel things on a level that it hard to handle with at times.
But i also know it is my greatest gift  if i can use it wisely.

I came to this conclusion, and when i returned home,  began my life from this new perspective. I'd wake up, write, meditate, eat a healthy breakfast and work on music. I felt great and in total sync with my natural rhythms.   Alas, 2 days into it a shit storm blew in from Somewhere and knocked me completely on my ass.

It was brought to my attention a person in my life has a real problem with me and just straight up doesn't like me. According to him,  a few others in his circle feel the same way.  There is a whole long complicated story behind it, but the fact of the matter is,  i hate when people don't like me.  i mean, REALLY hate it.

Following that drama, which i swore off just a few days before, came another totally different situation with the theme of betrayal. Something that happened a while ago regarding someone whom i love very much and myself. Something that feels not so good, that I am just finding out now.  

Hmmm,  and i was just swearing to myself a life of forgiveness. Interesting.....

It's been a week and the only positive thing that has come from all this is I've lost about 7 pounds. My emotions go straight to my gut and I can't eat when I'm upset.

But truly, what i think is happening is one of those humdinger tests from the almighty Universe. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems whenever one commits to change their life for the better,  every opportunity to fuck up presents itself.
It's always that way. And you're left with only choice. The choice to keep reacting as you always have or choose a new wiser way.

 I mean, the drama is literally strip dancing in my lap and rubbing her boobs in my face. BUT if i stay true to what i promised myself while in Mexico, i'd sport my peaceful warrior gear  and direct my energies on what i want in my life rather than fuel the fire of drama with defense and blame. I could choose to forgive with the wisdom that nobody can really hurt me and nobody really ever means to hurt me or anyone else.  A person only destroys their own spirit when directing negativity or blame on others.

And so, I know all these things theoretically, but will I comply?

It's a bitch, but at this point i feel i have no choice but to take the high road.

Wish me luck And,  Giddyup....

bathtub confessions

i'm sitting in a hotel, somewhere in new jersey in the bathtub. probably not the best place for me to be typing considering that my computer is inches away from the water and i'm pretty much the most clumsy person i know.

i'll be taking a train to the city tomorrow to play a show at the sidewalk cafe. i can't say i'm really on tour because i've booked the shows so that i have more days off than not. i saved a bunch of money so i could just travel, reconnect with the spontaneous side of me and hopefully write some fucking songs. new york city has always inspired me in a unique way, so i'll be indulging directly in that source for the next week.

i've seen more graveyards on this trip than i have all year. i'm one of those people who thinks everything means something so i've been reeling about this one.
does it mean i am going to die soon? does it mean i need to feel and be more alive?

it's my father's birthday today. he would have been 65 years old. i miss him. i miss just having plain old conversations with him. i miss me doing things like burping and him telling me to act like a lady. well, not really.
i do miss his corny sense of humor and how much of a "dad" he really was. and his hugs.

not too much more to say. other than the top half of my body and my fingers are all gross and sweaty and my toes look like prunes.

so thanks for your interest and for reading.....

live from bathtub, random thought by joanna barbera

East Coast Shows and More...........

 

                                                                                                                           Photo by Shervin Lainez

Hi!

Summer's on it's way, the fireflies are out and people are generally in a better effin' mood. I love this time of year AND i am so looking forward to spending some time on the east coast, mainly New York.  I'm itching to get back to the city-----the energy, sense of style, wise ass attitudes, and some good ol' hang time with family, friends and hopefully some cool new people. 

I'm VERY stoked about my upcoming shows.  I'm playing some Rad venues with some Amazing Artist. I've listed all the shows just below.

Please pass this info along to anybody that lives in these areas who you feel could use a good dose of JB music. It's all internet and word of mouth at this point folks. That's what I've got to work with, so ANY support in that way would be soooooo appreciated. 

Here's how it goes:

5/23 @ The Saxon Pub, 10pm (Austin Texas) LAST SHOW BEFORE I GO!!

6/4 @ The Ninth Ward at Ani Difranco's Babeville  doors at 7pm

w/ Melissa Ferrick and Kristin Becker ( Buffalo, NY)

6/8 @ Cafe Nine, 8:45pm   (New Haven, CT)

6/12 @ The Sidewalk Cafe, 8:45pm   (NY, NY)

6/22 @ The Middle East w/ Hamell on Trial, 7:30pm   (Cambridge, MA)

6/25 @ The Sidewalk Cafe, 8:45pm    (NY, NY)

Also, if anyone in the area is down to be part of the street team and hang some posters let me know..... you get something EXTRA special ;)

So, besides that, I've been writing a bunch of new songs and pretty much being an introvert out in the hill country of Austin, TX. Just me and the dogs.

I DO hope I get to see some of you lovely humaniods at the shows!! It'll be a blast, I promise.  So, drop a line, say hello and most of all remember to laugh and love the shit out of your life and this insane green and blue ball we live on. 

Love you!

Joanna

http://joannabarbera.com

http//myspace.com/joannabarbera

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Joanna-Barbera/60477264400?ref=ts

public diary: what's been going on.....

so so much, so so fast!! 


many of you know  that 8 months ago i began working with a stellar rock star of a manager, sarah collins. we're a great team with fire in the belly. AND our dynamic is truly organic and authentic.
it really is just what i was asking for and boom! here it is.


anyway, we're kicking ass and as a result i get to play folk goddess Ani Difranco's venue "the ninth ward" @ babeville on june 4th. 


it's a pride kick off party with kristin becker (funny FUNNY comedian), me and the headliner--the very talented and bad ass Melissa Ferrick. i couldn't be more excited. here's the link to buy tickets: http://purchase.tickets.co
m/buy/TicketPurchase?agency=TDC&pid=6745414

sxsw was an absolute blast. sarah flew out here and i got to meet a bunch of the righteous babe record team, who are all incredible individuals. i played a few shows in town. here's a video from the hide-out theater: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYqTAawxUEY


i also got to share the bill with bunch of outstandin  musicians at the kevchino.com and nym guy showcase. one particular gal pretty much changed my life. her name is sharon van etten, she's from brooklyn and she's amazing. check her out. www.myspace.com/sharonvanetten


here is my a great pic of sharon singing my new favorite person brian grunert.

AND it's always just her and her guitar. it's definitely changed my view on things. playing solo is so raw and true to the source. 


seriously considering next record to be a solo album. we shall see


i'll also be in new york for the entire MONTH of june. i have a slue of shows in and around the area. they're all listed in http://myspace.com/joannabarbera
and more will be added soon.


on a non-musical note, i've committed to a 40 day meditation. the particular meditation is derived from the practice of kundalini yoga which, i totally love and am forever grateful for. my intention is to create more joy and less of the struggle that i seem to be almost addicted to. 


Alright, that's it for now folks. thank you so much for your support. sending YOU so much love, a huge hug and smooch to the face!
oxoxox
joanna


www.joannabarbera.com

crazytown usa

 hello friends!

it's SXSW here in austin. which, means the town has been taken over by bands from all over the world. there are parties on ever corner and music pouring out of every bar. pretty awesome.

for those of you who will be joining us here in austin for the festivities, here is my schedule:

 

if you're not in austin there is a tour in the making. so far i will be in nyc and buffalo in june.

 

i've also been spending most of my time on my new macbook making home movies

 

see:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYF9rSToGs4

 

and spent my birthday weekend last week doing backbends at a yoga retreat 

 

that's me crotch to the air.

 

anyway, if youre here n austin,  i hope i get to see you this week. if not i will see you soon. thank you, as always for the love and support!!

 

 

oxoxo

joanna

 

www.joannabarbera.com

www.myspace.com/joannabarbera

remind me

it is one of those nights when the smell of the air is familiar.
awakens the senses from the long dark sleep of insomnia
the air tonight
reminds me to be grateful.
that one can only hope for a little more time
to experience expansion


i love my mother and all she has done and didn't mean to do.
i love my father and his bare bones that rest in the earth.
i love when i remember to gaze over
at the big picture.


he breathes in the other room
and allows me to breathe in mine


i love that too, and for that i am grateful

dreaming

i've been dreaming of a new day, where i'm not so tired......

that's a line to a song in progress that i am writing. 

today was the best day EVER. i started my period and all i wanted to do was lye in bed all day and write, fading in and out of in-between afternoon naps. just as i was watching the clock and wishing i could have this entire day to marinate in, my boss called and told me she didn't need me to come in but she'd pay me anyway. by golly, there is a god! (and she's awesome. nothing better than working for good people)

so i drank tea, played guitar and wrote allllll day.

here's some of the thoughts that weaved in and out of my mind today:

• it's good to be in love with many people (non -physically speaking). you can't get everything you need from one person and shouldn't expect to.

• this song isn't so bad. this can totally go on the next record.

• it's so rad when the god's give you an unexpected day off, especially on your first day of your moon cycle. can i get an amen ladies?

• maybe it is all really happening. maybe we really can have everything we want. 
•  i love jack jack kerouac. i think we were lovers in a former life.

• remember that boy i was so obsessed with? what a tool. i wonder if he reads my blogs.

i really do love today, and hope you have one like it very soon.

what else?

oh, i went to a songwriter's circle thing last night.  we were given a title of a song which was "someday" and had a few days to write a song using it. i've n never done anything like that before but it was super inspiring. a few lines from my unfinished song:

 "it used to be someday, i'd be a lady with a sway full of grace

i'm looking dead in the eye at someday....."

alright, that's enough "day in the life of joanna barbera-ness" 

i love whoever you are who is reading this. 

sleep with the angels tonight, my near or distant star.

stories to be told

i weep in the mind of the lone weeper
sifting through the cells and scar tissue 
for memories of strength 
stories between the folds 
of my skin
like i were an old library
full of vibrant ghosts

i think about you every day
and how you taught me
to read between the pages 
of my soul

i think of you too 
little dreamer
resembling the crescent moon
growing old only to be born again 

we dance to keep the beat

it just wouldn't be fair 
to dance holding one another 
until we fall 
like distant stars to 
an unending earth

i am the weeper
in my mind i weep
and it seeps into my insides
creating stories and memory
somehwere in there is a strength 
that never dies

Earthbound Tour--2010

It's 5 0'clock in the pm, Little Rock, AR. I'm looking out my out my hotel window and the streets are empty and dusted with snow. Only 2 more days of this wondrous journey. Ohhhhh, I had sooooooo much fun.


I had a whimsical love affair with the city of New Orleans. Oh my,and witnessing that great moment in time when the Saint's won the Playoffs. Such an amazing energy pouring through the streets and small narrow alleyways.
I who datted my ass off Sunday night.
I also wrote a song that I am finally happy with due to the inspiration provided by the kindred souls whose paths I had crossed and the sweetness of that still beebop'in city.

And all the driving and dream time in between. From Atlanta to Birmingham to this unusually snow covered city of Little Rock. Last night I stumbled upon a groovy little joint called the Whitewater Tavern. It was dark, it was smokey and the room was filled with the local country flavor of songwriter Chris Denny. (Dude, check out this guy’s voice www.myspace.com/christopherdenny )
After a few whiskey's Mick and I hopped on the stage and Chris accompanied me in a couple of my originals. It was a foot stompin' good time I tell ya.

Tomorrow I head back to Texas playing the Opening Bell in Dallas. 8pm so if you’re in the area, drop by and give me a big fat hug.

This tour has resurrected my heart. I'm exhausted and not real sure what comes next, but gratitude is oozing from my skin. I feel so open and inspired.


Oh life,
Oh sweet life that is nothing unless lived
only to find that learning to live
is to dance with the great nothingness

Staring Music

I had a boyfriend once tell me that all the music I listen to is "staring music".
At first I was offended. But then I thought, it's true, I do listen to staring music. In fact, I think most of the songs I write could be considered "staring music".
For those of you who don't know "staring music" is music that within 10 seconds puts you into your very own universe, no matter how many people are in the room with you. Your eyes stare unto the horizon and overwhelming feeling of surrealism sets it. It's like you just stepped into in a really emotionally intense scene of a movie or the end of Grey's Anatomy.

SO,  my friends,  I chose my top 5 "staring music" songs of the week to share with you
because I'm home alone and bored and my manager tells me I need to do more social networking.
Ok,
Staring Song of the Week #1 is: White Chalk by PJ Harvey 
(if you don't know it find it online, it's amazing)
Staring Song of the Week #2: Angeles by Elliott Smith
(song changed my life)
Staring Song of the Week #3:Long Ride Home by Patty Griffin
Staring Song of the Week #4: Dilate by Ani Difranco
(yea, I said it)
Staring Song of the Week #5: New Slang by The Shins
(get's me EVERY time)

Yes folks, they're all white and they're all dramatic but, quite frankly, so am i.
Till next time,
Joanna

Blogging in Buffalo

It's cold, rainy and the air smells of wet fallen leaves... delicious.

For those of you who don't know why I'm in Buffalo, here's the scoop:

A few months back an old dear friend of mine from NY recommended I send a CD to one of her old college friends in Buffalo NY, Ms Sarah Collins. Sarah worked for 6 years at Ani Difranco's label, Righteous Babe Records and then pursued her own career in music management. I sent her a CD, she loved it, and so now we are a team! So I came out here to play a show and work out some business details. She's great. We get along fabulously and pride ourselves on the fact that we work our asses off and still hold on to our incredible senses of humor.

The show last night was great. I shared the bill with two awesome local bands United by Unicorns and Johny Iron Jack. I was a little nervous playing solo and for a bunch of people I've never met before, but it was actually really fun. I was super silly and playful and the crowd was great. So, thank you Buffalo!

We are in the process of setting up a tour but for now, if you're in Austin I'll be playing with the band at Momo's November 19, 9pm.

Ok, Friend/Fan me on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=123263323415#/pages/Joanna-Barbera/60477264400?ref=ts
Or Twitter!
http://twitter.com/joannabarbera

Alright folks. Thanks for all the support and helping me do what I love!
Love you,
Joanna

http://joannabarbera.com